Something old, something new - all are borrowed, and one makes me blue!

---

Marko over at the munchkin wrangler (who, for all of his talent, still hasn't figured out what the caps key is for) has penned another winner: "tales from a gun-free society." It's a personal look at the societal effects of wide scale disarmament. (My general rule is that if Marko wrote it, it must be worth reading. This is yet another validation of that rule.)

---

If the name "Gecko45" means nothing to you, then you've missed out on one of the funniest things on the 'net - the rise of the Mall Ninja. Sadly, the original postings on GlockTalk that led to the coining of the term are long gone, and the mallninja.com site is no more; luckily for us, someone recognized the historical importance of Gecko45.

His (her?) whole posts - along with some good background and explanations - can now be found at Lonely Machines. If you're new to the Mall Ninja phenomenon, it's a must-read. If you remember the original, it's a hilarious blast from the past. In either case, go. Read. Laugh.

---

Gecko45 is a classic, no doubt. It's hard to beat such comedic genius, and how many people can lay claim to inspiring a new term? Well, Larry Correia's got a candidate of his own: the original "HK: because you suck. And we hate you." essay. You can read it - along with his hilarious followup - at this link. (If you're a rabid HK fan, it's guaranteed to raise your blood pressure. If you're not, it'll make you squirt milk out your nose.)

---

Happy Monday!

-=[ Grant ]=-

You hate telemarketers. I hate telemarketers. Everyone hates telemarketers. (If you're a telemarketer, I'm sorry - I just can't work up any sympathy for you. Yes, I realize you need that job to buy diapers - but life's tough enough without getting your phone calls in the middle of my dinner!)

The hapless victims of telemarketers are finally starting to fight back. Take a look at this collection of tips about turning the tables on those who interrupt your life to sell you cheaper long distance. (Courtesy of Dark Roasted Blend.)

-=[ Grant ]=-

A reader emailed me this link to a rather unusual bar-b-que setup.

Me want. (If you have one, don't ask me for an action job!)

-=[ Grant ]=-

+++
I managed to finish the last post on my "Self defense, stopping power, and caliber" series last night. When I re-read it this morning, prior to uploading, I decided I didn't like it. Oh, the informational aspect was fine - it was the writing. For whatever reason, it wasn't as clear as I had thought. I'm re-writing it, and will post on Wednesday.

Today, you get the quick-and-dirty, all-linky-and-no-thinky post.

+++
From the No Quarters blog, a graphic example of why one should never allow a member of the media anywhere near a firearm. (I have my own story of a media person being handed a gun, but forces over which I have no control demand that I never tell the tale. More's the pity, as it's at least as good as this one.)

+++
This article - from the Wall Street Journal, no less - has been getting tons of play in the blogosphere. Michael Bane's corner of the web was the first place I saw it, so he gets the tip o' the hat.

(Yes, I am as well. Thanks for asking!)

+++
Finally, this has nothing to do with anything at all, but it was just so...odd that I just knew I had to bring it to you. (Leave it to Tam to find stuff like this...)

I've gotten a number of emails and calls regarding the waiting list closure, and I appreciate the positive thoughts! I didn't think I'd ever get to the point that I had to do that, and I hope that when the list opens again people will still remember me!

(The only thing worse than being talked about, is NOT being talked about!)

Now I have to get back to work; the last couple of weeks of injury-related work slowdown have left me even further behind than I already was!

-=[ Grant ]=-

P.S.: I thought about starting up a collection to buy Tam a Python, just so she'd have a non-flat Colt. Then I thought "hey, what am I thinking? If I'm going to solicit contributions for a Python for someone, that someone is gonna be ME! I'm my own favorite charity! If she wants one, she can buy it for herself!" I then cackled maniacally until my wife hit me with a frying pan. I'm recovering nicely, thank you.

Anyhow, Tam, I just hope you're not too disappointed...about the Python, I mean.

I'm really glad that HK doesn't make revolvers. People complain about the supposed snobbishness of Python owners, but even the most rabid Colt fan can't hold a candle to the receptionist at Heckler & Koch.

How do I know, you may ask? One day I had the temerity to call them with the simple goal of obtaining a replacement trigger spring for an HK P7. To characterize the reception I got as "cold" would have been massive understatement. Siberia is a veritable tropic paradise in comparison.

Even after putting me through their version of the Nuremberg trial (boy, do they carry a grudge) they still wouldn't sell me the part.

Having therefore experienced their Teutonic haughtiness, I laughed the laugh of the knowing when I read this post at Monster Hunter Nation.

(Oh, be sure to read the comments. All of them. There are some gems there, especially toward the bottom.)

-=[ Grant ]=-

The other day I was in the parking lot of the local Home Depot, whose coffers as of late have been swelling from the various remodeling projects around our house.

As I was loading up another pile of material for yet another round of work on the house, I watched in amazement as a couple contemplated how to carry their newly-purchased front entry door in (or on) their - wait for it - Mazda Miata. I wish I were kidding.

My wife chuckled all the way home.

My thoughts immediately turned to an episode of Rowan Atkinson's terrific "Mr. Bean" television show, wherein the namesake character carries the equivalent of a La-Z-Boy on top of his tiny little car (an original Leyland Mini):



But these two episodes of mirth pale in comparison to some real pictures of crazy portages, brought to us once again by Dark Roasted Blend. Enjoy!

-=[ Grant ]=-

Thanks to Say Uncle.



-=[ Grant ]=-

So, last evening - a hot, sticky Oregon evening - my wife and I were sitting under the maple tree eating dinner. A squirrel suddenly darted across the street, heading for a tree on the other side.

In and of itself, this is not unusual. There are a lot of squirrels in our neighborhood, and if you spend more than a few minutes outside you'll see numerous such rodent dashes.

What happened next, however, was unusual. Hot on the squirrel's heels (do they have heels?) was, not a dog or cat, but our neighbor's teenage son. He chased the squirrel across the street and into the tree; a minute or so later he dropped out of the tree carrying the squirrel by the scruff of the neck!

How he managed to chase the little beast down, let alone actually grab it without getting bitten, is a mystery. He showed the furry trinket to his friends, tickled its tummy a bit, and gently let it go back up a tree.

Believe it, or not.

-=[ Grant ]=-

Another squirrel attack. Were it not for the quick-thinking cane wielder, this could have been ugly.

-=[ Grant ]=-

I've been trying my level best to alert the world about the threat posed by militant squirrels. They've been testing us, attacking sporadically in an attempt to weaken our defenses. Now the unthinkable has happened - they've acquired advanced weaponry!



Once their internal power struggles have been settled, we're in for a long, hard fight!

-=[ Grant ]=-

The Friday Surprise articles usually present themselves well in advance of the time I need them. There's just so much interesting stuff going on in the world that I usually have no problem finding a topic.

Not this week. It really shouldn't have surprised me, as this week has just been a disaster from the start, but it did annoy me. I just couldn't find anything interesting to write about.

Luckily my old nemesis, The Squirrel, went on another rampage.

-=[ Grant ]=-

So, let's say that you were going to buy me a new cel phone. What do you think I'd want?

How about a Blackberry Pearl? Too "Geek bondage." A Motorola Razr? They are SOOOOOO 2006. Nokia N80? If I wanted a slide-out I'd buy an RV. The Apple iPhone? Tempting, and it would go great with my Macs, but no - there's something even better.

The cel phone I really want is the Portable Rotary Phone from Spark Fun Electronics. Inside this antique is a fully functional cel phone module that utilizes all of the phone's original parts for their intended purposes: the handset, the dial, and even the two-bell ringer!



My Father, who was an inveterate prankster and a telephone company employee, would've loved this thing. It would be just the ticket to out-annoy the clods who use their phones in restaurants, and imagine the looks you'd get in meetings ("sorry, but I have to take this call.")

Besides, the whole retro-dial thing goes perfectly with my revolver persona, don't you think??

-=[ Grant ]=-

As you know, I've been on top of the growing Squirrel Menace. I've alerted you to the pack of squirrels that kills dogs, and I've kept you up to date on the squirrels that take down planes. It's a tough job, but it's important to the security of the free world!

Luckily for us all, there is finally one website that dares to expose the deeds of the most notorious squirrels on the planet. Scary Squirrel World: Profiles in Terror is where you can keep up on the most heinous of the squirrel conspirators.


Squirrel in top-secret SEAL training

I'll sleep easier knowing that they're one the job!

-=[ Grant ]=-

Back on 12/29, I reported on the pack of squirrels that attacked and killed a dog.

Now, they've taken down a plane.

What's next?!?


The new face of evil??

-=[ Grant ]=-

I know you've always wondered: how does a jet-setting gunsmith work with all of those adoring fans hanging around? Well, I hate to disappoint you, but unless you count an overindulged rabbit, no one is hanging around waiting for me to pay them any attention!


Tyler, the spoiled rabbit

Since my shop isn't open to the public, I get to dress and arrange my environment as suits me. I usually work in sweatpants and a sweatshirt (rarely matching), over which goes my little green grocer's apron.

(You read that correctly; I have two old-fasioned green cotton grocer's aprons, which I acquired when I worked in a grocery store during high school. How long ago was that? Well, let's just say the White House refrigerators were stocked with Billy Beer!)

My shop has no windows, so I'm forced to entertain myself as best I can. I usually do so by playing music at somewhat louder-than-normal volume. One might think this would be a rock-n-roll custom, but not usually - I've been known to play Scottish dance reels, Aaron Copland, Baroque trumpet concertos, and Red Rodney at the same transducer-destroying level. (Eclectic? Hey, I was a music performance minor in college - I'm allowed!)

So if you call and I don't answer the phone, it's because I can't hear it over the noise of the shop equipment. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

-=[ Grant ]=-

Some random news bits to round out the year...

So, according to Fox News, last Thanksgiving a man breaks into a barn, spray paints some goats, and leaves some porno behind. Guess he didn't have cable...(I'd comment on this story's interesting similarity to the town I grew up in, but thankfully I've managed to suppress those memories!)

In a story out of Russia - one that literally begs for a Yaakov Smirnoff joke - we learn that a pack of squirrels has attacked and killed a dog. What happens if they get guns? THIS:



Finally, in North Carolina they just aren't making desperate criminals like they used to. And "they" say that kids aren't affected by television!

Have a safe and sane New Year's celebration!

-=[ Grant ]=-

One day I was at the range testing client's guns - in this case, a Detective Special and a Python. I generally start shooting at 50 yards, because that's the closest steel target we have and shooting paper is boring.

(Besides, 50 yards is the point that I stop blinking when I shoot a steel target. Seriously - I'm paranoid about bullet splashback. When the 50 yard target becomes boring, I usually switch to the 200 yard target - you silhouette shooters know it as the ram. Shooting the ram, standing, double action, with light .38 Special ammo is something of a trick, as I need to aim about 15 feet above the target! If I get a hit per cylinder under those conditions, I'm a happy camper.)

Sorry for the gap in the narrative...anyhow, I'd just walked over the to 200 yard shooting position when this fellow comes up and stands next to me. As I'm loading he asks me what I'm shooting at. I motion to the 200 yard ram, and he squints his eyes. "No way you can hit that", he says. "I've got a GLOCK, and I couldn't hit that!" (The brand name was pronounced in a manner intended to evoke awe and wonder on the part of the listener. Sadly for him, it did not.)

I finished loading, looked at him and said "Well, it is pretty hard to hit." I turned my gaze back to the target, and squeezed off 2 rounds. From off in the distance came a distinct "clang....clang." I turned back to him and just grinned. He walked off, shaking his head in disbelief.

It's all about knowing when to stop!

-=[ Grant ]=-

In the news this morning:

Pluto no longer a planet

Russian Cosmonaut to Whack Golf Ball From ISS

Am I the only one who sees the humor in this??

-=[ Grant ]=-

Pardon my bashing of the French (after all, they do manufacture the superb Manurhin MR-73 revolver), but from James Taranto at the WSJ comes this gem:

"Tour de France winner Floyd Landis denied on Thursday taking performance-enhancing drugs during the race and said he would fight to clear his name after testing positive for the male sex hormone testosterone," Reuters reports.

Only the French would consider the presence of testosterone in a man's system suspicious.



-=[Grant ]=-

This short article may be one of the funniest things I've read in a while...and it seems dead-on accurate, at least to me!

-=[ Grant ]=--